Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
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