do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
