If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Girls should come with a carfax report
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
i've created a new STD.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
