Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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