super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
