Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Randomize
