Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
