Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
