I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
