Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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