So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
