maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize