and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
