I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
