If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
