This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
