Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I could make wine with my vomit
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
