help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
