Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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