Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
