I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
What drink are we having for lunch?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
