I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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