I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
