You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
