seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
