I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
So gin and wine won't be happening again
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
