Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
