Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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