And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
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