All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
