I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
