Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Randomize
