well I can't set my house on fire every night
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
