So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
