Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
