OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
