she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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