Walk of Shame. In a state park.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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