so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
