when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
