I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
