yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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