So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
