I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i think my tv is drunk
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
