On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
so let's talk penis.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
