i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
