Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
