Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
