Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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