He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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