just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
