i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Randomize
