So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
