Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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