She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
