our cab driver is having phone sex.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
We are all done wearing pants today
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
