I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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