I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
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