I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
