I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
