Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
