I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
my liver is dry heaving
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
