I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I stole a fireplace last night.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
