I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Randomize
