i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
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