Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
