why didn't you poke me back
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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