No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
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