you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
