did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
