currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
