you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
