We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I touched a dick in church today
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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