I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
