Fuck appropriateness.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize