I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
