his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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