Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
