Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
