there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize